a bunch o funny quotes! seriously this is alot of quotes.

NOW APPRECIATE THEM!or else.

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance (2006) (VG)
Deadpool: The day my father Odin banished me from Asgard, I was bitten by a vampire and had radioactive waste dumped into my eyes. To make matters worse, my mutant ability to control weather activated just as I was hit by a blast of gamma radiation. Nah, actually, I got this way by volunteering for the Weapon X program. They promised to cure my cancer. And they cured it all right, by giving me an outrageous healing factor. Then they labeled me psychotic and tossed me into a prison lab. So I escaped and became what some people might call a 'mercenary'. I prefer the title 'cleaner of the gene pool'. And I've made a lot of good friends along the way: like Arcade. He's always sending me to his amusement park.
Arcade: HELLO, Deadpool. Ready for a fun filled day in Murderworld?
Deadpool: Yup. I've got my sunscreen on and I've taken my motion sickness pills so bring on the rides!
Arcade: Oh, I don't think you understand. You're going to die here.
Deadpool: I know! Carnivals always slay me.
Arcade: No. You are going to physically die... as in stop breathing. You will cease to exist.
Deadpool: Riiiiiight... So do you have bumper cars here?
Arcade: Arrrgh!

Deadpool: I just wish we could have been friends.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] And now I'm better at doing whatever it is Wolverine does!

Deadpool: Black Widow, I've gotta know... Are those real?
Black Widow: I beg your pardon?
Deadpool: Ahh... Your teeth, they're just so darn shiny and straight.

Deadpool: [Leveling up] Did I win a new car, too?

Deadpool: Hey, did I enter the side show tent? 'Cause you look like the dog faced boy.
Dark Spider-Man: Oh, you are a wit, Deadpool... or at least half of one. Tell me, do the chicks go for your insane babble?
Deadpool: About as much as they go for your attempts at self-deprecating humor.
Dark Spider-Man: So then it doesn't work.

Deadpool: [Badly hurt] I need help! And a pony!

Deadpool: [after speaking with Nick Fury] Sir! Yes Sir! Stowing all stupid thoughts! Uh, is that vein on your forehead meant to be throbbing like that?

Deadpool: [after Black Widow has told him that he's going to face Dr. Doom] Wait, we're going to fight Dr. Doom? No one told me we were going to fight Doom! I want my lawyer! I want my mummy! I want my lawyer's mummy!

Deadpool: Whatever happens, remember to protect me.

Deadpool: A haiku, by Deadpool: I hate broccoli / And think it totally sucks / Why is it not meat?

Deadpool: I'm low on energy, but full of vitamin C!

Deadpool: I can't go that way, so stop shovin'!

Deadpool: [about Weasel] Oh, yeah, he's totally trustworthy! Except where money's involved. He would sell his granny's walking cane for a buck. In fact, I bought his granny's walking cane for a buck!

Deadpool: Weasel old buddy! Where have you been hiding out?
Weasel: In the hospital, you stabbed me in the leg remember?
Deadpool: Oh yeah, but I had to, you were trying to steal my last Cheesy Puff
Weasel: It was my bag of Cheesy Puffs!
Deadpool: That's not how I remember it.

Ancient One: Who would dare disturb my meditation?
Deadpool: Grampy, is that you? Wow, you got a lot older... and uglier too.
Ancient One: You buffoon. I am not your grandfather. I am the Ancient One, teacher of Dr. Strange.
Deadpool: Are you sure? You're really grouchy just like Grampy was.

Deadpool: Hi, Black Bolt. How are ya?
[Black Bolt says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, that's right. You can't talk can you? Your voice is so powerful, it would destroy half of Atillan if you said anything at all.
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: But c'mon, let's put that to the test. Just say one tiny word: 'Spatula.'
[Black Bolt still says nothing]
Deadpool: Oh, don't be such a stick in the mud. Come on, repeat after me: 'Spatula.'

Hulk Vs. (2009) (V)
The Professor: Weapon X is indeed glad to have you back, Logan. We put considerable time and money into you.
Deadpool: And pointy things!

The Professor: You were our best operative, Wolverine. So disappointing. But you did lead us to Dr. Banner. Of course, you know him better as the Hulk.
Deadpool: [reveals gun and ammo] I shot him in the ass, with one of these!
[Everyone glares at him]
Deadpool: What? I did!

Bruce Banner: No!
Deadpool: Yes. As in, "Yes, you're going to die." BANG! Just kidding.

Deadpool: I can't believe it... I'm alive. I'm alive!
[the Hulk lands on top of him and leaps away]
Deadpool: [weakly] Ow...

Deadpool: [looking at the Professor] Well, he's alive, but I think he's going to need some serious TLC.
Sabretooth: The last thing the Professor said before the runt gutted him was for us to kill Wolverine.
Deadpool: Really? Hmm...
[to Omega Red]
Deadpool: You buy that? Yeah, you know, I would think the last thing he said was, "Ah, Sabretooth!"
Omega Red: We kill Wolverine now. That is all that matters.
Deadpool: Whatever you say, ponytail. Who am I to say no to a little murder?
[draws his guns]
Deadpool: [to Team X] Strike a pose!

Deadpool: What do you say after the mission, we kill all of those floating babies?
Omega Red: Do you ever shut up, Wilson?
Deadpool: What? Babies creep me out.
[cradles his rife]
Deadpool: [singalong] Rock-a-bye-BANG!
[chortles]

Deadpool: Logan, we missed you! And Weapon X just hasn't been the same without you. Nobody calls me "bub" anymore, and Omega Red's a bed wetter...
Omega Red: [entering] One day I will tear out your flippant tongue, Wilson.
Deadpool: [whispering to Wolverine] He's very ashamed.

Wolverine: [to the Professor] What do you want with the Hulk?
Deadpool: We just wanna help him find his happy place. Did you see how angry he was? I mean, I'm sorry, but come on. I think his pants are too tight...
[Omega Red's tentacle wraps around his neck and starts choking him]

Deadpool: [after being choked by Omega Red] Argh... so not cool... I hate that guy!
[walks towards Wolverine]
Deadpool: Wolverine, you look so sad. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, Lady Deathstrike tried to kill you when you were asleep.
Wolverine: Better than having to listen to you.
Deadpool: Man, does she hate you. I mean, we all hate you, but Deathstrike really, Really, REALLY hates you!
[takes out his gun]
Deadpool: Hey, still have that unbreakable skull?
[Points gun at Wolverine's head and fires. Screen turns black]
Deadpool: Oh... damn it!

Deadpool: Hey! Wait for me!
[Deadpool jumps on a rampaging Hulk]
Deadpool: Who wants snacks? YOU do!
[Deadpool forces a grenade down the Hulk's gullet and then jumps off, landing alongside Wolverine, and the two run down a straight hallway with the Hulk in pursuit]
Deadpool: Logan, I think we lost him!
[the grenade inside the Hulk explodes... ]
Deadpool: And they all lived happily ever after, except the Hulk!
Wolverine: Bub... you just made him angrier!
Hulk: Talking man hurt Hulk... HULK RIP OFF TALKING MAN'S HEAD!
Deadpool: My head? Oh, crap...!
Wolverine: He's all yours, Einstein!
[grabs Deadpool and throws him towards the Hulk]
Deadpool: Logan? We're friends! NO! NOOO!

[the Hulk and Wolverine are apprehended with knockout bullets]
Sabretooth: [to Wolverine] Thanks, runt. We've been trying to take him down for weeks.
Deadpool: Hey, Logan, it's me, Deadpool! I shot you...
[Wolverine falls unconscious]

Lady Deathstrike: GAIJIN!
Sabretooth: End of the line, runt! Got any last words?
Wolverine: Yeah... TWO!
[Wolverine charges]
Deadpool: [draws his katanas] Let's dance!

Deadpool: [falling on Wolverine] BANZAI!
[Wolverine slices Deadpool's arm off]
Deadpool: OW! Oh, that is just NOT cool!
[looks at the stump on his body, and his arm some metres away]
Deadpool: Wow! Look at that! Can you give me a hand?
[giggles]
Deadpool: Just kidding! All right...
[runs to fix his arm back on]

X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse (2005) (VG)
Deadpool: Welcome to Loserville. Population: You.

Deadpool: Everyone protect me!

Deadpool: Me? Yeah, I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you to tiny shreds and then dance and spit all over your graves.

Deadpool: Wow, this is really, really freaky! I could swear I know you from somewhere. Did we go to law school together?
Deadpool: I know what you mean. I've seen you before, I just can't place your face. Weren't you in my oragami class last fall?
Deadpool: Wait! I know where I've seen your face. In my mirror... every morning!"
Deadpool: Heavens to murgatroide! That's it! You're me!
Deadpool: No no no no no no no, I beg to differ. You... are me!
Deadpool: Come on. let's not quibble over such a huge philosophical conundrum here. What do you say when you meet yourself?
Deadpool: How about 'you're lookin goooood!'
Deadpool: Works for me. Well, now I have to kill ya. Not that I want to, it's just a little something Mister Sinister ordered me to do.
Deadpool: Are you ok?
Deadpool: Me? I'm fine. I just have an uncontrollable urge to rip you into tiny shreds and spit on all of your graves.

Deadpool: I'm really good at killing. You might say it's my specialty. That and ballroom dancing. But guess which one I can actually make a living at.

Deadpool: Somebody test this guy for steriods!

Deadpool: [Upon defeating an enemy, pensievely] But did either of us truly win?

Deadpool: EVERYBODY! Shield me with your bodies!

Deadpool: [after defeating an enemy] Now gimme all your lunch money!

Marvel: Ultimate Alliance 2 (2009) (VG)
Deadpool: Fusion's so cool, they should've put it in the game title.

Deadpool: I'm killing indiscriminately, and it's okay.

Deadpool: It had nothing to do with politics, I just don't like you!

Deadpool: Look, it's the Fusion game mechanic.

Deadpool: I refuse to say some clever quip because *you* set down the controller.

Nanite Nick Fury: [as he emerges in his nanite armor] Cute trick, but did you really think we wouldn't see this coming?
Deadpool: It's game over Fury and you're all out of continues. You're alone. You can't possibly...
Nanite Nick Fury: Oh, I'm not alone. You may have frozen The Fold, but you haven't eliminated it. And with these new Nanites, I can draw the entire collective's power. I won't need more of a fraction to kill you. Then I will shut down that annoying signal of yours for good. In another minute, it will be all so clear.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009)
Wade Wilson: Great. Stuck in an elevator with five guys on a high-protein diet.
William Stryker: Oh, Wade.
Wade Wilson: Dreams really do come true.
William Stryker: Just shut it! You're up next.
Wade Wilson: Thank you, sir. You look really nice today. It's the green. It brings out the seriousness in your eyes.
Logan: Oh, my God. Do you ever shut up, pal?
Wade Wilson: No. Not when I'm awake.

[from TV Spot]
Wade Wilson: All I ever wanted was to travel to far off exotic places, meet new exciting people and then kill them. So I become a mercenary. My name is Wade Wilson. And I love what I do.

Wade Wilson: I love this weapon more than any other thing in the whole wide world, and you wanna know why?
Victor Creed: No.
Wade Wilson: It's memorable. Sure it's a little bulky, tough to get on a plane. You whip out a couple of swords at your ex-girlfriends wedding. They will never, ever forget it.
Victor Creed: That's funny Wade, but I've think you've mistaken me with someone who gives a shit.
Wade Wilson: Granted, it's probably not as intimidating as having a gun, or bone-claws or the fingernails of a bag-lady... Manicure?

Wade Wilson: Time to go to work.

Wade Wilson: Okay. People are dead.
William Stryker: If you didn't have that mouth of yours, Wade, you'd be the perfect solider.

Wade Wilson: Fred got a new tattoo. I'm concerned.
Logan: [looks at Fred's tattoo of a woman] Jesus, Fred, you just met her last night.
Frederick J. Dukes: I love her.
Logan: You love her? After one night?
Frederick J. Dukes: She's a gymnast.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) (VG)
Wade Wilson: Hey Logan, whatcha doin'?
Logan: Shut up, Wilson.
Wade Wilson: A sphincter says what? Come on, a sphincter says what? Aw, you're no fun.

Wade Wilson: Logan, you know any good jokes?
Logan: Oh, you mean besides your face?
William Stryker: That's it! Wilson, I want you radio silent from here on out! Got it? Wilson!
Wade Wilson: What? You said maintain radio silence.
William Stryker: Fair enough. Just didn't imagine you'd listen. I thought you might be dead.
Logan: Hm. We should be so lucky.