some fan-made story.

i thought it was kinda funny so i figure, what the heck ill go ahead and post it. i didn't make this, it was made by some guy named elesariin.its supposed to be Deadpool posting.


Welcome. Welcome to the depths of the madness that is my mind. Beware, traveler, for the sheer power of trip-inducing crazy sauce may just be too much for your burger. I mean brain. I mean… Hi.

So… This is my blog, now. I guess. Or something. I really don’t know who’s supposed to read this stuff, actually; I definitely don’t read other people’s cyber-space brain vomit. Wow. I think I just grossed myself out with that! Who knew that blogging could be so depraved?

Oh. Wait. Anyone who’s spent more than ten minutes on the internet.

To be completely honest, I really have no idea why I’m doing this. Sort of a whim, I guess. Actually, I just wanted to test out my new disguise by sneaking into the public library and using one of their computers. ‘Deadpool’, you may be asking, ‘Why did you find it necessary to sneak into a public library?’ The answer, dear reader, is quite simple: I have been banned from every single library in the United States of America, as well as scattered libraries in Canada, Mexico, the UK, and South Korea. Hearing that, you might then ask, ‘But Deadpool, what could a friendly, charismatic people pleaser such as yourself do to get kicked out of all of those libraries? Did you, perhaps, kidnap a librarian from each location, tie them all to chairs, force feed them old cheesecake, and force them to watch Friends reruns?’ To that, I only have one thing to say.

They were skrulls. Yeah. You’re welcome, reading public.

… Nah. In all seriousness, I just kept forgetting to return books.

So… What was I saying… Oh right. Disguise. So in reality, this whole thing is really just an elaborate test run. If it works in a library, I figure I can probably waltz right into SHEILD and shoot Norman Osborn right in the cajones before he can get his fancy new suit on. Of course, this is just a working theory; libraries have creepy old gorgon-ladies who can smell fear, lies, and overdue books, but Osborn’s got Ares and Sentry. Kind of a toss up, I suppose.

I’m really not sure it worked, though. My disguise seemed pretty foolproof: big, nerdy glasses, a camera, and an ID from Frontline that belonged to some guy named Parker. (Snirk!) Oh, I’m bad. Of course, in retrospect, it might have been more effective to remove the rest of my rather loud (not to mention distinctive), red and black mercenary outfit, complete with swords and a few really nice guns… but hell! The GLASSES were enough for Superman! I’m gilding the lily by throwing in the photographer getup. Anyway, one of those creepy old ladies gave me a somewhat suspicious look on the way in, but that doesn’t mean anything, right? I mean, they give EVERYONE those looks!

So basically I’m just killing time for a few minutes so that I can make sure that my clever disguise has done the trick. In all likelihood, I’ll never post in this stupid thing again. Unlike some people (coughTonyStarkcough), I’ve got better things to do with my time. Like… Um…

Shut up. I’ll have an actual job eventually, and then I’ll move away and see the world, and you’ll regret not saying that you loved me that last evening by the lake--

… Um…The Gorgon is looking at me. … Like… I can FEEL it. … Oooooooh. Crap. Is she on the phone? What’s she saying? Is she calling SHEILD on me? CRAP! LA MIGRE! Tiiiime to get the hell out of dodge, methinks. Post again the next time I have access to a computer, I guess. Maybe. Unless I forget, or decide to watch porn instead. BUHbye.